O My Lord, O My Creator,
I don’t know whether you have this feeling or not but I think I am sinking. I am sure there are people in far worse condition than I am… magar ab guzara nai hota. I mean on the face of it I have everything. A job, a family, a roof over my head and a lot of books. But I cannot deny that I am getting jealous. But before I speak any further I must tell you that I do not mean disrespect for anyone, well deserving or dang tapaoo. In most cases I know those who got something deserved it. But where I am happy for others, I am flustered for myself. Meri bari aakhir kab aayegi?

A couple of days ago I heard Dr Shahid Masood had been appointed Chairman Pakistan Television. I dismissed this report as a career suicide because I have not known any MD or Chairman PTV who comes on screen and hosts a show. And we all know his strength is in his public appearances. But today he was hosting the same program again. That means he would get the best of both worlds. Something of the same sort was done by Dr Aamer Liaquat who remained a legislator, a minister and an anchor simultaneously. Yes I am jealous my lord, not because I might think he doesn’t deserve it. Not at all. I know he deserves it alright. But Maula, he is a doctor of medicine. I am sure when he graduated he must have aspired to be a great doctor not an anchor. Compared to him here am I, a social sciences graduate who took degree with a clear view of becoming a columnist and what Dr Shahid is today. I partially succeeded in the former but to the latter I am centuries behind. Acha nai lagta batatey hue ke my television career is older than Dr Shahid’s. The only difference is that I left PTV before 9/11 and he was visible on ARY Digital in the immediate aftermath of September.

I know it was a bad career move to quit PTV then, just like it was a bad move to accept a television job in Multan of late. But you know these things happen. How can you not know? After all you created Satan, too.
You know what? Even the channel that I joined in Multan is failing to launch thanks to our Director News’ exceeding competence. I am young, not bad looking, confident, well read and a good writer yet I am languishing in this dingy corner of journalism instead of hopping around the world. Dr Shahid started his tv career from UK. And here am I with my wife’s biggest complaint that we could not go on a honeymoon after our wedding. Of course the time for that is gone. My sweet little daughter is over an year old now. But here am I a man in early thirties wishing that I get a chance to EuroDisney soon as my promise to my wife that I’ll take her to Summer Olympics in China is already failing. I know I can hardly complain. I am well paid and all but these times demand more money, more exposure and more clout. I have countless powerful friends but my tongue gets tied when it comes to asking for undue favors. You say you are my best friend so here am I praying at your altar. You have said you give to those who ask for it. Here am I asking for quite sometime now. Thodi to lift kara dey.

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